In June, a father interrupted his daughter’s graduation by storming on stage to stop a handshake between his daughter and the school superintendent. The man and his daughter are white, while the superintendent is Black.
Rainey Briggs, the superintendent of Baraboo School District, said:
“The optics don’t look good… The optics are what people around the world have gotten to see. And it’s caused them to formulate in their minds what was behind this situation… But ultimately, Mr. Eddy is the only one that could tell you whether it was racial or not.”
The father, Matthew Eddy, through his attorney, gave an “understanding” that his behavior was wrong and that he was “remorseful.” However, in footage of his conversation with police, Eddy shared his previous interactions with the school district, which weren’t favorable according to Eddy. Additionally, Eddy lied, saying that Briggs touched him, eliciting Eddy’s touching Briggs—video footage disproved the lie.
In an interview with the Daily Mail, Briggs said he isn’t ready to forgive the actions that shattered a joyous occasion for the entire graduating class and their families. Briggs continued:
“I don’t think an apology, an “I’m sorry” makes this go away because there’s a lot of harm that was caused… My heart goes out to, number one, his daughter, and to those 250 other students that were in the space. This is a moment in time for them that they’ll never get back the way they had hoped for this to go… That was to walk across that stage with excitement, feeling like they’ve learned a lot, feeling like they’d experienced some amazing teachers. That was all to some degree pushed aside that particular night.”
I won’t litigate whether Eddy’s actions were wrong because they were. Also, Briggs is correct; Eddy’s actions will overshadow a graduation moment, for his daughter and her peers. The question is whether Briggs should forgive Eddy for what he did.
Our society should strive to be a more forgiving one… especially to Black people in light of the racism that often shapes the experiences of Black people, that impact the decisions many make. White people want Will Smith to perform a full apology tour for slapping Chris Rock. Meanwhile, Black people have long forgiven him.
But what is true is that white people are often forgiven for their wrongs… and when committed against Black people, Black people are always required to forgive. Black people were celebrated for forgiving Dylann Roof and Amber Guyger, and held as a model for other Black people to follow. Kyle Rittenhouse cried his way to a not-guilty verdict.
Years ago, in Philadelphia, Eagles QB Michael Vick forgave wide receiver Riley Cooper for saying the N-word at a concert… saving his career. After Vick was off the team, Cooper didn’t speak with Vick again.
I have no doubt that Briggs would be celebrated and held as a model if he chose to forgive Eddy. Maybe, if Eddy personally apologized genuinely to his daughter and Briggs, Briggs would be willing to accept it. But right now, as it currently stands, Briggs is right for taking his stance. It’s not up to Briggs to extend forgiveness for everyone to move past what happened. It’s up to Eddy to be contrite and make right his wrong.
I am unsure how Eddy makes everyone whole from his behavior. But one way to start is to apologize himself to his daughter and Briggs. If he means it, it is a start in the right direction… and if he does, that doesn’t mean that Briggs has to forgive him. That is a choice Briggs has to make for himself. More importantly, the public or Briggs’ employer mustn’t pressure Briggs to forgive.
Stacy Patton, author of, Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won’t Save Black America, said it best:
“If we really believe that black lives matter, we won’t devalue our reality and cheapen our forgiveness by giving it away so quickly and easily. Black people should learn to embrace our full range of human emotions, vocalize our rage, demand to be heard, and expect accountability. White America needs to earn our forgiveness, as we practice legitimate self-preservation.”
Briggs deserves the space to heal as he sees fit; forgiveness is for him to give, not for people to demand of him. Eddy deserves the opportunity to show contriteness.
… and we all deserve for racism to be no more.
